Eve of My Seven Week Ultrasound

Current mood . . .

Today I am seven weeks and five days pregnant. I hope.

Tomorrow morning, my husband and I will be at the Victoria Fertility Centre for my seven week ultrasound. (it would have been sooner but was postponed a few days due to my husband's work schedule). I will be seven weeks and six days pregnant tomorrow if we are fortunate. If not, I will be shattered.

And the cat says "I can't take this smothering love anymore. Please save me."

There have not been any signs that something has gone awry. I haven't been bleeding (although 25% of women experience bleeding in early pregnancy), I have had pregnancy related symptoms, and I seem to keep expanding (though I have still not gained a single pound from when I started hormones for IVF on September 1st). I have been religiously taking my prescribed hormones, Estrace (estradiol) and Endometrin (progesterone), and abstaining from lifting anything heavy (including my big cat), or doing much activity. I have been eating well and resting as much as I can. I have been going to all of my doctor's appointments (including specialists- perinatal psychiatrist and endocrinologist for my thyroid) and getting all the associated blood work done (I was in the lab again this Monday). I have been going to acupuncture once a week to support the pregnancy (may help but the jury is still out as far as scientific literature is concerned, I figure it can't hurt). I have been trying to keep my stress level down (easier said than done- I keep worrying about the possibility of a second miscarriage in the same year and what I would do if that happened).

Being a rebel and taking a photo at the lab.

But there is really not much that one can do to prevent a miscarriage. They just happen as I found out earlier this year. I only hope that we'll get some good news for a change tomorrow at the ultrasound. It may be too early to hear a heartbeat, but from my reading on the internet, the blueberry sized fetus should be just visible if it exists (in other words if it's not just an empty sac).

One of my Amaryllises is re-blooming right now and putting on quite the show.

I hope I see the most beautiful sight tomorrow at the ultrasound.

For those of you wondering what is happening with our extended medical insurance claim for the prescription drugs that I had to take for IVF, they have still not paid us a cent. The policy said that they would cover 100% of the costs (my husband looked up each IVF drug and made a spreadsheet before I even signed up to get IVF and checked that each and every possible one that they could use in IVF was covered and they all were), we paid the premiums, and now they don't want to pay. My husband has been going back and forth with them to decrease the stress on me, but I feel really furious about this. I used to be a litigation lawyer and most of my cases involved one kind of insurance or another (I always represented the plaintiff) and I saw insurance companies rip off vulnerable people every day at my job (one of the only reasons I kept practising for so long, despite how much I didn't enjoy the career, was because I felt so angry about the insurance companies savaging honest policy holders). I figured that our insurance company would do this to us just based on my experience, but hoped that I would be wrong. Well, I wasn't. Now apparently the claim has been "escalated" just because we asked for the address of their legal department after their latest refusal to pay us. It remains to be seen if they will pay any of the thousands of dollars that they owe us (I think about $9,000.00) or if we will have to take further action. As if IVF isn't stressful enough, you don't need dishonest insurance companies refusing to pay for the drugs that they say they are going to cover and that you have counted on them covering.

I saw my perinatal psychiatrist out at Victoria General Hospital (all obstetric services are at this hospital in Victoria, it's quite the drive for me as it's outside of town) yesterday. She said that while my blood levels of lithium carbonate are rather lower than usual for me, they are still therapeutic and she is reluctant to raise my dose just yet because it will probably nauseate me even more than I'm already feeling nauseated. She says to wait until I'm off of the prescription hormones (9 weeks gestation, in a week and a half) and then see if my mood is still low (progesterone can cause depression). If it is, we can raise the dose, if not then I will repeat the blood tests in a month and see her in a month and she may raise my dose of lithium carbonate then. She says though that it is very understandable that I would feel kind of down and anxious given the difficult IVF process, my history of having a miscarriage and being afraid of another one, the pregnancy hormones themselves plus the prescription hormones on top of that, and all of the uncertainty.

I went to the acupuncturist today for my once weekly acupuncture appointment to support my pregnancy. Again, my bladder could not quite make it through the hour long appointment, so the needles had to come out. She put needles as usual in my lower legs, one in my upper stomach, two in my chest, and several in my head. She also put the tacks in my forearms for nausea. I haven't really been nauseous much since Friday and my one tack from last week stayed in my left forearm until Monday night when it started to feel irritated. I'm not sure if the tack helped or if my body is just moving on to other symptoms/side effects (and having a Band-Aid over the tack really helped cut down on irritation and made it stay in much longer).

Needles in my head and chest.

After I finished at acupuncture, I went for my appointment with my endocrinologist. As I mentioned above, I weighed myself this morning in preparation for the appointment since he weighs me every appointment. I was sure I had gain several pounds since my last appointment three weeks ago (everything seems tighter), but I had not even gained part of a pound. I was still exactly the same weight that I was at September 1st when I started the hormones for this first cycle of IVF. Ten and half weeks later, after taking copious hormones, being almost eight weeks pregnant, and I have not gained a pound. And yet, I normally can't maintain my weight when I'm not in this bizarre chemically engineered process of IVF. My weight is always up and down; it's very strange.

My endocrinologist reviewed my blood test results and pronounced that my thyroid levels are currently "perfection." My thyroid medications, levothyroxine and liothyronine will remain at the same dosage until my next follow up with him. I will repeat my lab tests before the next appointment which he said should be in about three weeks but definitely not more four weeks away. The office assistant found me a spot a little less than four weeks away (no easy feat in his very, very busy schedule).

When my endocrinologist weighed me and confirmed that I had not gained any weight, he said I didn't need to gain any weight at all in pregnancy (this sounds unrealistic to me, I know I'm overweight, but it still seems like it would be difficult if not impossible to do). He said that the metabolism increases during pregnancy and it takes an enormous amount of energy to create a baby plus with feeling under the weather I may be eating less, so, me not having gained weight makes sense to him.

My endocrinologist also said that I should choose an obstetrician, a GP who specializes in pregnancy, or a midwife at this point. He said that my GP (who works in the same office) and he had been discussing my pregnancy (I am happy that they work together so well and it's convenient having them in the same office- in fact I would not have a GP if it weren't for my endocrinologist who got me in with my very, very busy GP who was not really taking patients at the time). My endocrinologist said that since I have a thyroid disorder, I would qualify to be with an obstetrician right away instead of just a GP or midwife, but that that wasn't always the best option (he says they are often very focussed on just looking for what is wrong with you and if I need one later if I have complications, I can be referred to one immediately). So I told him I'd like to go with the GP that my sister used for her pregnancy and liked very much. He said he would send a referral letter to him.

I then returned home to take care of tasks around the house, write, and wait for my husband to return from over a week away on a business trip. I feel very grateful that he'll be at the ultrasound with me tomorrow, because I am feeling very nervous about it and it's always better not to be alone for something as momentous as this.

Lamont is definitely not excited about the prospect of any kind of a sibling.

But he was excited by my new heating pad when it arrived and he claimed it immediately.