36 Weeks Pregnant- Long Weekend Fighting with Former Landladies, Shopping for Stuff for the Fetus, Chiropractor, Lunch with Friends, Massage Therapy, Packing a Hospital Bag, a Baby Shower, and Continuing to Unpack the House

Irises in the spring are always beautiful.

Today, I hit the 36 week mark in my pregnancy. I only have four weeks left until my due date. My terror has been switching from the pregnancy ending by miscarriage or stillbirth to me ruining this child’s life with bad parenting decisions. I know a lot of women at this stage are dreading labour and while I can’t say that I’m looking forward to it, I’ve had some horrific surgeries and there are pain killers available, so I’m sure I can survive it. My existential worries plague me more. Will my child be sitting here 37 years later mired in angst caused by my parenting choices? I hope not.

36 weeks pregnant.

Last weekend was a long weekend and should have been a lovely time for my husband and I to catch up on some rest and time together (our last long weekend before the due date), but instead we had to finish cleaning our former apartment before handing the keys back to our landladies. I had spent days cleaning leading up to the Saturday, so that we would not have to spend our whole weekend cleaning there. On Saturday, we cleaned for hours and hours and we thought the place looked much better than the state that we had received it in (our landladies complained repeatedly that the former aged tenant had not cleaned well enough- oh could that be because she was over 80?!). We asked the landladies to meet us the next day to inspect the place. The next day we went over and only one of them was there. She walked through and said how wonderful the place looked. Strangely, she had no condition inspection report from the Residential Tenancy Act documents that are required, but we thought that her friendly parting of wishing us well with the baby, saying what a good job we did, and her taking the keys from us and saying that she would send us the damage deposit and the last ten days of the month’s rent that she had said she would pay back for us leaving early was enough. Well, think again.

We spent the rest of the weekend entrenched in an acrimonious email chain as she kept coming back with more and more things that were wrong with the place, more and more that she wanted to deduct from our paltry damage deposit (we had already spent over $200 of our own money towards getting back our $625 damage deposit on cleaning the blinds in the place professionally because they required us to, even though the company couldn’t even clean some of them because they were so old they just needed to be replaced). Eventually we just offered that one hour of minimum wage be deducted from our damage deposit for them to hire someone to clean the oven further which is what they kept whining about the most (even though when we moved in the oven had a gap in the glass and it was never repaired or replaced the whole 4.5 years that we were there). They moaned about how it would cost at least double that to get the oven cleaned and we knew that (what?! We don’t know how much it costs to hire people to clean ovens, as we don’t have that luxury). We told them that if they wanted anything more they could go to an arbitration with us. This really pissed them off, but they backed off after some they made some more nasty comments towards us. The whole experience has been so stressful and negative, it almost makes me never want to rent again, but then I remember that the average property price on the market in our area of Victoria is $1.94 million and I think, oh yeah, I can’t buy (and this market is due for a major correction).
We did some more organizing in the new place and shopped at Walmart and managed to acquire a few more things for the fetus. My round ligaments and back were feeling so sore that I also looked for a pregnancy support belt (they are supposed to lift and support your growing stomach to help your back and hips and everything cope with the strain of the added weight and the unbalanced nature of the weight). Unfortunately, this proved to be difficult to find in Victoria and I ended up ordering one online from Amazon. It arrived yesterday and I’m still getting the hang of wearing this support belt that comes in three different pieces. It does feel like it holds things up and in more, but I can’t tell yet if it will actually help my pain and strain. Also, while they say that one could wear it under clothes, with all of the Velcro, I doubt that this would comfortable and unlike the listing, I think that people would definitely notice this bulk under your clothing. I’ve just been wearing it around the house over my clothing.

A side view of this pregnancy support brace.

I started having Braxton Hicks contractions again at the end of the weekend. This was particularly uncomfortable on Tuesday morning when I went to the chiropractor. My pelvis felt really separated and painful too (I’ve been hobbling around in pain especially when I get up from bed or the couch and I’m all stiff), I suppose because it’s preparing for the birth and as usual I’d done too much cleaning, organizing, and unpacking. My low back was also sore. Plus my neck was sore with pain and numbness radiating into my shoulders. Not that anyone wouldn’t have been tense after that weekend. After the TENS machine, heat, and an adjustment, I left. I’ll see him in a few weeks unless things worsen. Then I suppose I might not see my chiropractor again until after the birth.

The next day, I didn’t really feel the cramps from the Braxton-Hicks contractions and I went and had lunch downtown with friends. I also dropped by to see my husband at the office. And I went to Value Village to search for things for the fetus. Well, I totally overdid it, because the next day I was exhausted, sore, and felt very low. All I managed to do was go for massage therapy and do some cleaning and organizing around the house. At massage therapy my mid back and neck were feeling awful. My massage therapist says it’s probably not just tension, but also the weight of my increasing chest pulling things forward and down. My hips and thighs were really sore too. The pregnancy is really starting to feel more extreme. The belly is sticking out more and more and the thing still seems to be in a really high position. Its kicks and/or hits are really, really strong now. I don’t know if this is from the decreasing amniotic fluid that happens around this time, the decreasing room as it grows by a pound a week, or what, but when I’m hungry and haven’t started eating, it gets really angry and lets me know it.

Sen Zushi never disappoints for lunch in downtown Victoria.

All the books have been saying for a while to get a bag for the hospital packed for the mother, the partner, and the fetus. Everyone tells you different things to pack. It’s confusing and overwhelming. I mean, I don’t want to show up there with giant suitcases like I’m moving into the Four Seasons for a month, but I also don’t want to forget something because I’ll be there a little longer than “normal” pregnant women just due to the medications I’m on and the fact that they have to do blood tests a couple of days after the birth and put me on a new dose before I can leave (and observe me to make sure I’m doing okay). We have a tiny pile of stuff that we’ve started to take to the hospital, but I can’t pack a lot at this point, because my clothes are in use- I don’t have many at this point, so it’s not like I can just pack them up for potentially a month give or take days or weeks. But having something ready to go does seem like a good idea, because I doubt I’ll feel like packing when I have labour pains (the Braxton Hicks contractions feel like menstrual cramps and I certainly don’t enjoy them, so labour will undoubtedly feel much, much worse).

My husband and I have also been reviewing worksheets in the books given to us at the prenatal classes to figure out what to do leading up to the trip to the hospital (there might be 12-18 hours to kill before it’s time to go, but while I’m in early labour). The suggestion of the instructor to bake a cake seems like a delicious one, so maybe we’ll do that.

Today, my husband’s firm had a baby shower for us. I was shocked and overwhelmed that they wanted to hold one. I had kind of thought we’d skate through this whole pregnancy baby shower free. We had lunch at the firm, played a trivia game with my husband’s colleagues, and they gave us some very beautiful and thoughtful presents to open. Their kindness and interest in our pregnancy made us feel very special.

A view from a parkade downtown.

The new place is starting to feel more like home and readier to have a baby in, but I still really can’t picture what it will be like. It’s such an alien thought having something or someone else live with you when you’re used to it just being just the two of you or perhaps the two of you plus a cat (although now we don’t even have a kitty, so we are truly alone). But I guess we’ll find out soon enough. Apparently only 2-4% of babies arrive on their due date, so who knows when we’ll actually find out what it feels like, but now that I’m 36 weeks, it feels like more of a certainty that we actually will know what it’s like to be parents after a seven year odyssey to get there (including a miscarriage and a full cycle of IVF to get pregnant this time).

36 weeks pregnant.

35 Weeks Pregnant: How Did the Time Just Disappear, Another Visit to the Maternity Doctor, Nesting, and the Alien World of Baby Accoutrement

Last weekend, was filled with pregnancy related stuff, we did our last all day prenatal class on Saturday at the Mothering Touch, where we did more on labour, how to swaddle a baby, breastfeeding, and what the first two weeks postpartum might be like.

I'm sure that swaddling a moving baby is even worse than a doll . . .

A lovely lunch at Sen Zushi in the break for lunch during class was just what we needed.

After that class, we went to Toys ‘R Us to look at baby related stuff including strollers, bottles, car seats, etc. A lovely employee took pity on us when she saw us sitting on a shelf in the stroller section looking beleaguered and demoralized. She showed us some of the main stroller system models (ie. It has a car seat included) and how to collapse the strollers and take out the car seats (this is like some sort of magic- it’s going to take some practice to get used to a lot of this). She gave us so many helpful pointers for what we could look for in choosing a stroller system. She was so wonderful that we left the store feeling empowered and much less hopeless. We then went to Shoppers Drug Mart to pick up some diapers, baby wipes, bath stuff to bath the baby in, and some diaper rash cream. So, bit by bit we are getting ready.

Sunday was Mother’s Day and this time it felt somewhat less depressing as my husband and I had something to actually celebrate, we almost have a child in the flesh. It’s visible, the kicks can be seen through my belly and felt strongly by both of us, we’re almost at our due date, and should it be born premature it actually has a good chance of surviving.

My husband made me lovely blueberry pancakes on Mother's Day.

As of yesterday, I was 35 weeks pregnant, which means 5 weeks until my due date (neither of us can believe we’re down to five weeks less a day until the due date now- where did the time go?). Naturally, since only about 2% of babies show up on their due date, a due date is really just arbitrary and usually doesn’t mean much (unless you’re entirely punctual like I was and show up on your exact due date), but it gives the mother something to shoot for (in five weeks my bladder may not have the capacity of a squirrel’s bladder, I may not be getting up every hour to go pee at night, walking even short distances may not be an exhausting and painful production, I will have full lung capacity again). But it also raises terror within me. I’ve never done this before and the prospect of going into something without qualifications or education (excluding our two day long prenatal classes plus hospital tour) or a degree makes me feel more than a little uneasy. However, I suppose if millions of other people have managed it, maybe I can too. I just don’t want to destroy my child’s life. My fears are much more existential than focussed towards the labour itself (I’ve had so many major surgeries by this point that I can deal with the thought of physical pain, it’s uncertainty and psychological peril that bothers me).

35 weeks pregnant.

Now that I’ve hit 5 weeks from my due date, I feel especially driven to make sure that we have everything that we might need for the first little bit when the thing arrives. The prenatal classes gave some helpful suggestions of bare-bones essentials for a new baby and my husband and I have been working through the list. Unfortunately, the baby accoutrement industry is big business, which means that there are millions of options. Spoiler alert- they all cost way more than what you would thing tiny things that are basically disposable like everything else in our society would cost. We have had to spend quite a bit of time researching various items like strollers/car seat systems, formula and formula makers or bottle warmers (I’m only allowed to breastfeed for two weeks then I must switch to formula due to my medication), baby monitors, baby carriers, etc..

Then there’s the fact that we just moved. I’ve been working at a frantic and frenetic pace that has scared my husband more than a little, but I just feel driven to have things more or less unpacked and organized before the thing arrives and our lives become too chaotic and exhausting to be able to do much other than care for it and ourselves. I was unpacking a box of my old stuffed animals the other day and I came upon a few things that I started squirreling away for a future baby years ago when we were first starting to try to get pregnant. It had been so long since I had bought them that I had forgotten about them. I almost burst into tears when I thought about how hopeful we had been back then and how over time we had gradually become demoralized to the point where we could not even look at anything to do with children or babies, let alone buy anything (we didn’t really buy anything for the baby until a couple of weeks ago because we were so afraid that we would have another miscarriage).

My husband has been so busy with work that he hasn’t had much time to help in this quest to provision a nursery/baby, but he did come with me last night to pick up the stroller/car seat system that we ordered online from Canadian Tire, but had to pick up at the nearest store (we originally tried it out in person at Toys ‘R Us and liked it because it was smooth, good for rough trails like in parks and sidewalks without ramps, and its handle was high so perfect for two tall people like us). Lucky he did come with me too, the box was gigantic and heavy. All I can say is that these babies seem to come with a lot of baggage. But at least now that we have a car seat, we could actually have a baby at this point and get it back from the hospital. Trying to work the stroller and car seat last night after my husband put it together made me feel like an idiot and after a long day of cleaning the old place, organizing this place, more housework, errands, and shopping for baby clothes at the Salvation Army (and I finally used up that coupon they gave me for donating stuff last year- how thrifty) I felt so exhausted and demoralized that I just gave up and left the room. I guess it will just take practise.

Since I can't fit as much in my stomach anymore, yet get ravenous more often, small frequent meals seems to be the key. The thing was kicking like crazy when I was shopping at the Salvation Army, so I stopped to have a bowl of soup after.

This week I only had two pregnancy related appointments, massage therapy and the maternity doctor. The maternity doctor entailed giving a urine sample as usual, getting weighed, having my blood pressure done, having my fundal height measurement taken, and listening to the fetal heartbeat. The doctor still has no concerns. He palpated my abdomen (Ahhh! Bladder!!!!) to try to determine the position of the fetus, but was unable to tell without “significant further discomfort” he said. He agrees that it looks like it’s hanging out really high in my abdominal cavity, by my ribs (is that why I can’t breathe and keep having panic attacks?!), but he can’t tell if it’s head down or in breech. He told me that the fundal height measurement is on the large normal to perhaps just slightly over normal measurement, but nothing to be alarmed about, especially given the high position of the fetus. He said that next appointment, in two weeks, I will get the swab for Strep B, an examination of my cervix (oh goody), and at that point he will try again to determine the position of the fetus. If this is not possible or the fundal height measurement seems too big or anything else seems off, he will just send me for an ultrasound.  He gave the number for the answering service that I will call when I go into labour (apparently this often happens outside of office hours- inconsiderate babies!). He also discussed with me the different types of formula that exist on the market, which I really appreciated because I had no idea where to even start when looking for one.

At the maternity doctor's office.

Massage therapy I went to after a particularly gruelling day of cleaning the old place. My pelvis, low back, thighs, hips, and round ligaments are all really sore every day now, but after days of a lot of activity like cleaning, moving, unpacking, I hobble like an aged person. Getting out of bed is becoming more of a challenge, not just because of the nest of pillows and increasing bulk on my abdomen (the baby is apparently putting about one pound a week on by itself at this stage), but also because unfurling myself from the fetal position on either side which they advise you to sleep in when pregnant and then trying to go to an upright position, stretched out, is agonizing on all the overstretched ligaments, expanding skeleton, and overtaxed muscles. My massage therapist thought that my concern about not finding any stretches that really worked for me for stretching out my round ligaments might actually be overblown. She thought that stretching out overstretched ligaments might actually be bad and I should just follow the advice of my maternity doctor and put my feet up more and do less (easier said than done when you’re nesting and you only have just over a month left until your due date and need to create a functional nursery still). It did feel good having an hour long massage (albeit it was painful in various spots in particular like my low back and hips), but getting up after an hour and having to unfurl to a fully upright position with a very full bladder was very painful. Pregnancy is a lot more extreme than I thought that it would be, but I remind myself every day that I am so fortunate to get to experience this, let alone for this long, given that I couldn’t get pregnant for years, suffered a miscarriage, and had to have IVF to establish this pregnancy.

We spent today cleaning the old place (and then we went to Walmart to shop for more baby things- I could barely walk by the end and I’m absolutely exhausted now) and after our inspection with the two landladies we’ll be rid of it and I will then only have one address to manage. I can’t wait to have less gruelling cleaning/moving to do. A word to the wise, moving about a month before your due date is highly challenging and not pleasant. I would not recommend it.

Let this moving nightmare end. I'm sick of cleaning.

34 Weeks Pregnant: Medical Appointments, Preparing a Nest, and Shock at the Fast Approaching Due Date

The sun is setting on our carefree childless lives.

It’s been two weeks since my last update, so here’s an update.

The weekend before last, my husband and I spent moving things from our old place to our new place, cleaning, and shopping for stuff for the new place. We also voted in the advance polls for the provincial election in BC.

The thing's first election.

Last week I had blood tests done for my thyroid levels.

The following day I visited the maternity doctor, Dr. Down. He said that he had no concerns at all with my pregnancy, but that the fundal height measurement was significantly larger than the previous weeks. He said that if my measurements continued to grow at a larger than normal rate that an ultrasound might be ordered. He thought though that the height increase could be caused by the position of the fetus. I had to agree because the last couple of weeks the fetus has been sitting up really high in my abdominal area (hello, rib discomfort!). I also still felt like I had a urinary tract infection. My previous lab test two weeks ago had not shown a urinary tract infection, but had shown abnormal amounts of bacterial growth in my urine. Since I had all the symptoms and my doctor says that urinary tract infections often present in strange ways when women are pregnant, he prescribed antibiotics and some pyridium for the pain.

At Dr. Down's office.

The endocrinologist that afternoon stated that my thyroid levels were perfect and that no increase in medication was needed at that point, but might be before the end of the pregnancy. He said that I had gained hardly any weight in the past month. Then he said something than almost made me faint. He told me to start eating ice cream before bed at night. What!? Apparently when a woman is overweight and pregnant, towards the end of the pregnancy the fetus starts using up all her sugars and this causes her body to burn fat for energy. This produces ketones which cross the placenta and this can harm the fetus. In order to prevent this, having something with sugar in the evening before bed can help hold the body until breakfast. My endocrinologist specified that it should be cheap ice cream with pectin in it which makes it harder for the body to digest and therefore will make it last in the body longer.

I had another visit to the chiropractor for an adjustment last week. While my back was doing better than it had been in a while, my round ligaments and hips have been bothering me. But a lot of this is just pregnancy. The adjustments help, but nothing will take away all the discomfort. I just remind myself every time I feel uncomfortable that I’m lucky to be pregnant and that I should never take that for granted.

I spent the entire last week taking carloads of stuff from our old place to our new place. This was grueling, exhausting, and tedious, but I was able to move a lot and unpack and organize at the new place quite a bit. Plus, carrying boxes up two flights of steps one at a time was an amazing workout.
My lovely parents in law returned to town in the middle of the last week to help us more with fixing up the new place and helping us to move stuff in and organize. The relief of having someone to help us prepare our nest helped to calm my anxieties somewhat. They also brought a bag full of some clothes for the fetus, books, and a couple of beautiful blankets that my mother in law made herself. I was overwhelmed by their kindness, love, and generosity. Naturally, moving is always a nightmare, but with help it seems less daunting. By the time they left at the end of last weekend, I felt that our new place would work when the thing arrived (with more unpacking, organizing, and preparation of the room for it).

Filling and refilling these  Rubbermaid containers is actually a really great way to move bit by bit.

I hit 33 weeks pregnant last Friday and my parents in law were there to celebrate this milestone with us. We never thought we’d be lucky enough to get pregnant again, even with IVF, let alone make it this far through a pregnancy. We feel so fortunate.

A note on moving while pregnant, I do not recommend it. Moving is gruelling and stressful and especially towards the end of a pregnancy it really takes its toll. The stress and anxiety is awful. The physical symptoms that moving causes are also annoying. I have found that my round ligaments, hips, and back are so sore from all of the moving.

The new place is providing inspiration for writing, but moving is such a hassle.

This last weekend was the start of prenatal classes at the Mothering Touch. We chose a format where we took class all day on Saturday, 9:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m..  We have another all day class tomorrow. We also had a hospital tour last night at Victoria General Hospital as part of the package. The classes come with a handbook for the mother and a handbook for the birthing partner. They also provided snacks in the morning and afternoon (we were free for an hour to go for lunch wherever we wanted to or bring our lunch- we chose to go to our favourite Japanese restaurant, Sen Zushi, for a delicious bento box).

The class itself provided some useful nuggets like how to time contractions, at what point one should actually go to the hospital (if one goes too early, one will just be sent home), things to bring to the hospital, and essentials to buy for a baby (this is something we’ve been really struggling with because we don’t want to end up with a bunch of unnecessary stuff that clutters up the place and never gets used). We practised various positions to labour in (FYI they are all pretty weird and uncomfortable, but I guess you’re already so uncomfortable maybe being in a contorted position all of a sudden feels comfortable?), how birthing partners could help coach the labouring person through the pain, and we held ice in our bare hands and practised breathing exercises and then the birthing partner coaching us through the ice pain (I found the visualization of yellow diamonds that my husband provided to be very helpful and almost forgot to drop the ice when the time was up). We discussed pain control methods that were available at the hospital and pros and cons of each.

At Sen Zushi for lunch in the middle of our class day.

At the hospital tour of Victoria General Hospital, we were told which entrance to go to if we arrived in the night vs. the day, where the maternity floor is, what a birthing room looks like and what’s in it, what the rooms look like where the mother and baby are taken after (there are private rooms and shared rooms), and some of the other rooms and features of the ward. The woman giving us the tour told us some useful things to bring to the hospital, what not to bring, strategies for feeding the birthing partner (food is only provided to the mother), and other useful tips (she’s been a doula for years). I had seen some of the floor from when my sister gave birth, but seeing more of it, and hearing some tips, dos, and don’ts was helpful. It will be less alien when we end up there in around six weeks.

I was on antibiotics for one week and the symptoms seemed to mostly disappear, however, naturally since I’m six weeks from my due date and the fetus is kicking and pressing on my bladder I still have urgency and frequency of urination that are more than in my pre-pregnancy life. Also, the antibiotics seemed to cause diarrhea and nausea towards the end. However, those could just be symptoms of the late pregnancy. Who knows. All I know is that I had a massage scheduled earlier this week and after getting on the table I was so sick that I had to rush to the bathroom and then cancel the massage. I also may have overdone it with all of the moving, packing, unpacking, and cleaning of the old and new place. It’s hard to tell.

I also had acupuncture this week. My visits will be switching from monthly as they have been for the past many months, to two weeks from now, then weekly to prepare my body for the birth. Mention of preparing my cervix and perineum for the birth via acupuncture sounded strange, but I guess there are points for that that someone figured out years ago. In any event, it won’t hurt and may help and it’s mostly covered by insurance, so why not try it?

I had my lithium levels tested at the lab this week and reviewed my results online at myehealth.ca which is where Life Labs reports results of patients (if you sign up to access your results online you find them there). My levels were excellent and my kidney functions were totally normal. This means that I do not have to return to my perinatal psychiatrist before the birth (unless my results are out of range in a month when I retest or I have an episode, but hopefully it will be relatively smooth sailing from here).

At the lab again for yet another blood test.

This week I’m feeling continuing round ligament pain, hip and back pain, and significant rib pain (and shortness of breath) as the fetus occupies even more of my abdominal cavity and grows bigger by the week. I suspect the rib pressure and shortness of breath has contributed to the panic attacks I’ve been having this last week on a daily basis. Although, maybe it’s the stress of moving and the fast approaching due date.

Time is running out.

I feel exhausted, but the drive to nest is interesting and has given me strength to move more than I would have thought that I’d be able to. I’m still not napping during the day and I’m sleeping a fair number of hours at night. I just know I have to keep going, so that I’m ready for when the thing arrives in around six weeks and my life changes forever.

33 weeks pregnant.

34 weeks pregnant.