Is this Day 30 or Day 1? Time Will Tell

I cannot wait to get off of this hormone tablet, Estrace. After a terrible weekend, Monday and Tuesday were okay, and I thought that I had reached a new equilibrium. I was wrong.

Wednesday, Thursday, and today I've been exhausted (minimum 10.5 hours of sleep a night), yet have had trouble falling asleep, I've been nauseous, plagued by stomach pains, gas, and alternating constipation and diarrhea, hot flashes, and I've been irrationally emotional (even more so than my normal INFJ Myers-Briggs personality type), extremely anxious, and depressed. I feel so alone.  I know I'm not, but tell that to my irrational emotional side.

My husband has done his best to comfort me (it's okay that you're in pajamas 24/7 and never leave the house, you don't have to worry that the house is dirty, I'll make dinner), but I keep wondering how I'll be through the next part of this process, or potentially pregnancy, or potentially motherhood if I can't keep it together through even taking one hormone for a couple of weeks.

So, I continue to wait and see when this cycle will end and the new one will begin (which will bring a cessation of the hormone tablet Estrace and the commencement of new hormones that will largely be injected by syringe). I am feeling really worried about what impact the new hormones will have on me if Estrace has done this to me (I've been trying to ignore other sites and blogs that talk about what these hormones have done to others undergoing IVF, but my limited knowledge plus vivid imagination has made it seem like it's only downhill from here). I also have been terrified of needles my whole life, so I'm not looking forward to this new adventure with needles at all. Getting blood work done all the time was bad enough, but I never envisioned actually having to handle a syringe, little own use it on myself daily.

Once day 1 is here, I have to email my nurse at the clinic (or call her if it is after hours) and I will be scheduled into the clinic for day 2 of my cycle (the clinic has limited hours on the weekends for patients) to receive yet another ultrasound, more blood tests (this time at the clinic), and I will be taught how to inject myself with my new hormones, which I will be starting that night.

Bill came home yesterday to find me in bed, not hungry, and extremely nauseous.  I managed to leave the bed, but this is not exactly what you want to see at your dinner table, no food, and a wife near to vomiting.

This is around lunchtime today. I'm still all swollen in the face and look absolutely exhausted, despite my 11 hours of sleep last night. An hour later, I'm still trying to have lunch. It's rare that my appetite leaves for long periods (even with flu).