Pregnancy Test, Fearing a Negative Result Again, and More Uncertainty

It is Day 34 of my cycle.

This morning,  I was starting to feel more worried. I had been warned that if I became pregnant that I needed to inform my specialists (endocrinologist and psychiatrist) immediately because medications need to be adjusted throughout pregnancy to ensure that the mother achieves therapeutic blood levels of medications and to ensure that the baby is not exposed to toxic levels of drugs due to changing volume of blood, weight, etc. in the mother.

My husband suggested that I email my nurse coordination at the Victoria Fertility Centre to ask her if I should be concerned that I'm this far past my normal cycle end (usually 29 days) or if I should just keep waiting because the Estrace and sonohysterogram and stress could have changed my cycle length. My nurse asked if I had taken a pregnancy test. I had not. She suggested that I take one to rule that out, because even though I haven't been able to become pregnant in the past, it was theoretically possible that it could have happened.

I dreaded this answer. I have only taken two pregnancy tests in my life. The first was the first month that my husband and I tried to conceive and I was almost due for my period, but I felt "different" and was certain that I was pregnant. I was not. I saw the negative test result and felt crushed and then in a day or two my period arrived, crushing all hope that I was actually pregnant.

The second pregnancy test I took was about three months ago when I was late (this happens every once and a while- my body's idea of a cruel joke). The test was the second one in the box that the first one had come in and was technically expired, but I decided since they're so expensive, why not use it up? That test result was inconclusive (neither negative nor positive, but some unknown symbol), so I guess it really was expired.  But as you can probably figure out, I eventually had my period and this was conclusive evidence that I was still not pregnant years later.

I have bought a pack of two Clearblue Digital Plus pregnancy tests and I'm waiting for my husband, so that I can take the third pregnancy test of my life.

I'm scared. I don't want it to be negative again, but I fear that if I see a positive that it will be a false positive and then I'll be even more shattered when I find out that I'm not pregnant. Again.

Time will tell . . .