Ultimately though, my husband was very supportive and so were some members of my extended family. They know that I express myself through writing, that I love writing, that I'm an avid blogger already, and that I want to try to decrease the stigma associated with infertility and IVF. Though I felt somewhat nervous about it, I proceeded, because I really wanted to reach out and connect with people on a topic that people often hide and suffer with painfully alone.
The blog has received more interest from strangers (all around the world) than it has from people who are supposedly close to me and I have had some interesting interactions with others going through this frightening and alien process. I hope that people reading the blog who are going through IVF can relate to some of what I'm writing about or that it might help people who are thinking of going through IVF. I also wish that this blog would help open the eyes of those who have never had to go through IVF and don't know anyone who has. I never knew this process was so invasive and intense until I was faced with starting my own IVF journey. It's been a wakeup call. I don't know how I could have been so blind to the suffering of so many people before this.
We have had some disappointing realizations as we have progressed with this IVF journey. Some people who should be close to us given how close they were in the past, have had no interest in our journey or have lost interest over the years and now do not even know that we are undergoing IVF. Other people who are supposed to be close to us and have offered the appearance of support, actually don't seem to care to learn about what we're going through and would rather turn a blind eye to this graphic process and pretend that all is well in the kingdom of their own mind. Others have remained mute and we don't know what they're thinking at all. Still others have been insensitive and either difficult to be around or have abandoned us when we need their support the most. That and the unsolicited advice from those who have never experienced the particular pain that accompanies infertility about how I should be feeling right, what I should be doing, if I should be exercising based upon how they felt when they were pregnant, how the symptoms will become worse once I am pregnant, thoughtlessly forgetting that I might never be able to get pregnant. As my husband was saying, at least when you are pregnant naturally, you know that your suffering is for something; the uncertainty of having to use assisted reproductive technology (ART) is that you have no idea whether your suffering will all be for naught.
This process really isn't for the faint at heart and it does show you who is going to be with you to the end and who will just throw you off the wagon and ride off into the night to escape the horrors of either your mood, your symptoms, your high anxiety, your neediness, your philosophical ponderings on the fairness of life, the grotesque realities of your IVF journey, or their own uncertainty over what will become of you and therefore them.
We have also had pleasant surprises. We've had family members who live in other places, who we don't speak to often, reach out and express a keen interest in what we're going through, reading the blog and talking to us about what they thought about the blog and what we have been going through. They offered us kind words that have buoyed us in the dark hours that hormonal therapy leading up to IVF can produce. We have also had friends who we are getting to know better or who live a great distance away, read the blog and reach out and offer their own experiences with fertility and infertility, their hopes and dreams and fears, and offer emotional and psychological support and gentle, encouraging words that we both need in our fragile and uncertain states.
To everyone reading the blog, thank you for your interest and support. It means a lot to us.
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