Then Dr. Hudson laid out a variety of options for how we might increase our chances of conceiving. He said our current odds given my age (almost 36 by that point), my husband's sub-optimum sperm quality, and how long we had been trying to conceive were about 2-3% each month (with a 25% chance of miscarriage given my age). The treatments offered boosted our chances to about 3-4% per month to 50% with IVF (all still with the same chances of miscarriage, 25%).
As I listened to how low our chances were and how much the various treatments cost, I felt a combination of rage and despair. I fought back tears. Dr. Hudson said that we should think about all of the options and perhaps give it some time, but that he wouldn't leave it more than six months given my age. He said that he wouldn't be surprised if we got pregnant in the meantime without his help given the fact that we could in his opinion (again the use of "unexplained infertility.")
After I left his office I was so upset, I couldn't stop crying. I could not believe the cruelty of fate. Why was this happening to us when we had always wanted children? By that point I had been on prenatal vitamins and extra folic acid for almost six years.
Through the next several months, I tried to process my grief and decide what to do. I was devastated and terrified about the future. I continued working with my counsellor through my sadness, rage, and grief.
My husband and I tried to maintain our open communication as well as we could, but since we had both so much wanted children for so long that period of time was very, very difficult for us. Through this whole process, we couldn't help but feel completely alone. We didn't know anyone who had ever had trouble getting pregnant (or if we did, they didn't tell us). We definitely didn't know anyone who had ever gone to a fertility doctor and undergone a treatment with one either. Our friends had stopped asking about how our journey to have children was going and our families walked on eggshells around us. We grappled with the fairness of our situation as we observed people in the world who didn't even want children having accidental pregnancies and then some of them neglecting these children. But life isn't fair.
We both started to see a naturopath who offered suggestions of even more vitamins we could try to improve our fertility, herbal remedies, and gave us acupuncture to boost our fertility. We both underwent about two months of acupuncture on at least a weekly basis. We did not get pregnant.
I bought a box of ovulation testers. I was sceptical that they would work given that I always drink so much water and dilute urine can throw those tests off apparently. I had a box of 10 and despite signs that I was ovulating, the kit never showed that I was. Ultrasounds have shown that I do ovulate, so I think the tests just didn't work. All I can say, is that waiting till a certain time every morning when you've drank way too much water the night before is agonizing and I was glad to be done with the box.
Then, on the suggestion of the naturopath, in complete desperation, I started taking my basal temperature every morning. This too was annoying, but I was willing to do anything to up my chances of conceiving. The months passed, showing a consistent pattern of monthly temperatures, but we still didn't get pregnant.
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